Thoughts on 2/5

So I’m now 2/5 of the way finished with grad school. I just had my final exam last night, and turned in my last term paper. I have to write and copy finals for the classes I’m teaching, work through a pile of grading, finish and distribute 350+ Christmasgrams for the 9th grade fundraiser, clean out my stinky refrigerator, go to a band concert and Christmas parties, buy a ton of Christmas presents, and clean my filthy house.

But I feel free.

I feel like a gigantic weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel like I’m able to breathe, think, and feel for the first time in four months. I feel like a human again, instead of an automaton (teach, grade, lesson plan, do homework, go to class, repeat, repeat, repeat, and repeat some more). So I have to ask myself, is it worth it? Is it worth it to forfeit huge chunks of my energy, sanity, and hard-earned money for a stupid piece of paper and a couple more letters after my name? Am I going to make it? Am I going to make it in one piece?

I think that the answer to all these questions is yes; at least that’s what the little voice inside my head is saying. I can’t tell if that’s the voice of reason that says “But you’ve come so far” or the voice of pride that says “Don’t be known as a quitter” or the voice of God that says “This is what I’m calling you to do.” All I know is that I am tired, down to the deepest core of my being. I have not been the wife, teacher, housemom, or daughter of Christ that I could have and should have been over the last few months. I need some real, honest, no-kidding, do-not-disturb REST the next few weeks…so I can start it all over again in January.

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